Many of you may be aware that there are some issues people dislike about Roadburn. The Facebook Group, Roadburners (join while you can), is seeing a lot of those – people are starting polls for crying out loud- and we wanted to ask Walter about some of them. Unfortunately, as you may have seen, Walter is running around like Usain Bolt with one phone on his ear, furiously typing on another one in his hand, trying to make sure everyone has the best possible time. It’s why we love him.
Editor: Guido Segers
So we found someone else to respond to some of the most pressing issues you’ve addressed. An expert on the festival, going by the name of Wilbur Roabdurn (no clue where we got this idea from), who really ‘gets’ you guys. Please note that this is in jest and not to be taken seriously. It’s called, in the literary world, a joke. So here we go:
“What’s the point of tokens when it takes an hour to buy them” – Colin Coin (sounds legit, right?)
Wilbur: “We’ve tried to really work the anticipation of Roadburn into every festival aspect. Don’t you feel the excitement as you stand in line? You find yourself thinking: will there be tokens? Are tokens real? As rumors surge and whispers of different tokens emerge. Is that a hole in the tokens schedule? You’re welcome!”
“But they don’t fit the cupholders!” – Betty McBeer about the re-usable beer cups.
Wilbur: “Merch stand, next year! I’ll knit your cup holders myself with yarn from black goat hair!”
“These new cups make a terrible noise when they fall on the ground.” – Nigel Noisey
Wilbur: “Use your hand, clasp fingers together and solved. Otherwise, see my response above and see you at the merch booth!”
“The lockers in Eindhoven don’t take my card and only Dutch cards!” – Steffie Storage
Wilbur: “Look guys, I’ve fixed the weather in Tilburg this year but that’s really the limit of my reach. We tried during the Heilung set to also make the lockers accept coins in Eindhoven, but our combined energy didn’t suffice against the force of the Dutch Railways.”
“All those schedule clashes are a nightmare! How can I see all these bands at the same time.” – Ingmar Indecisive
Wilbur: “I’ve actually thought of that together. Next year I’ll only use one stage. We’ll have the same amount of bands and they’ll just play together. It works when we put two together, so why not five?”
“Bismuth sounds great from outside the venue….” – Luke Late-to-the-Show
Wilbur: “We’re bringing back Cul de Sac and Extase next year and just hang speakers on the outside. This is even a better plan! Thanks!”
“It smells like patat at the main stage!” – Mieke van Utrecht
“FRIET!” – Willem van Eindhoven
Wilbur: “For those not Dutch, it’s been a century old debate in the Netherlands if fries should be called patat or friet. We’ve fought wars over it and the rivers in the middle of the country are the trenches. But I’ll even solve this one: Sticky potato bits! That’s how we’ll call them from this day forward. You are welcome!”
Thanks Wilbur for your time! Now, it’s hard to create a great festival, so be patient with each other and show some love. And if not, we’ve got Wilbur on standby to address your issues.
Have a great time at Roadburn.